I heard we made out
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
