It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
