Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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