Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
