if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The uberlube is also flammable
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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