i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize