just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
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maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
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He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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