it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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