After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Randomize