just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
