At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
