she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
