Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
