Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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