I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
okay pat passed out under dana's car
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
