I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
