do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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