u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
