do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
