Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
