i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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