Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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