Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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