Who did Billy Mays play for?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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