just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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