Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
dude. I can hear the air.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
