Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
