You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
This baby is an asshole
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
