I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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