Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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