she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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