Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
