Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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