fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
