New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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