C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
