Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
barbara walters just said penis...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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