Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize