I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
