it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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