just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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