I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
