sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
