Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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