get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
