I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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