You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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