Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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