when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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