Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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