Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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