i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
