420 ftw
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
