I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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