I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
