it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize