i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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