He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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