my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
