I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
