I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
