yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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