Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
