that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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