just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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