His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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